Eating Books
by Miss Selarne
Summary: Crack. Why does Momo keep seeing Tezuka borrowing books from Fuji?
1. Chapter One: Eating Books

**A/N:** Do not ask how this story came to be. My mind took the one scene where Fuji's handing his English dictionary to Tezuka and twisted it horribly out of proportion to bring you this. Any criticism and suggestions will be accepted.

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**Chapter One - Eating Books**

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Momoshiro knew that there had to be something going on between Tezuka-buchou and Fuji-senpai. What else could explain the scene in front of him as he was trying to cut class? (Class was boring, okay?) It was the third time this week he had seen Fuji and Tezuka exchanging books.

Momo tried to sneak closer so he could overhear their conversation. It wasn't eavesdropping, he just happened to be passing by and his curiosity got piqued. Not his fault. He stopped where he was; if he got any closer, he would undoubtedly be discovered. And that would not be a good thing, seeing who he was eavesdropping on. He'd just have to make the best of what he could make out.

Tezuka took the book from Fuji's outstretched hand and said something, probably a thanks, Momo thought. Fuji just smiled and made a comment. Momo strained his ears, trying to hear what they were saying. Tezuka said something else, to which Fuji replied, "You heard me."

It made no sense to Momo at all. Then, Tezuka opened the book and flipped a few pages before showing Fuji something. Momo narrowed his eyes, trying to see what was being shown. It looked like someone had doodled in the textbook. Fuji chuckled and cracked open his eyes a bit. "You know-," he started, the rest of the sentence being drowned out by the bell.

Tezuka closed the book and walked away. Fuji continued to chuckle. "He never answered my question." He then walked away as well.

Momo sighed. Well, it looked like he was safe from their wrath for now. But there was something strange about the conversation. His eyes darted down the hallway to where Tezuka was entering his classroom with the textbook. Why would Buchou need to keep borrowing books from Fuji-senpai? It wasn't like he didn't have his own. Then, the answer hit him.

There was only one explanation for why Tezuka kept borrowing books from Fuji. Tezuka _ate_ his own books. Momo glanced down the hallway once more. Yes, that was it. It explained everything. He couldn't wait to tell Echizen what he had discovered. But first things first, go grab some food and sneak back into class.

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**A/N:** Yes, Tezuka Book-Eater. I told you my mind was insane. And the story even continues…

There also happens to be an alternate version of this scene called **Eaten Books**. Separate because it includes slashy FujiTezu undertones. And it has absolutely no bearing on this story, just there if you're interested.


	2. Chapter Two: Spreading Rumors

**A/N:** Seems I'm continuing this. Enjoy!

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**Chapter Two - Spreading Rumors**

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Momo and Ryoma had stopped in at the burger joint for their daily fourth meal. It was in this scene that Momo made the gravest mistake of his life. Well, not necessarily _this_ scene, but it's where it started.

"I'm telling you, Echizen," Momo said. "Buchou eat books."

Ryoma took a long drink from his cola. "Right. And Fuji-senpai's actually _nice_."

"It's true!" Momo protested, his mouth full of fries, "I was sneaking out of class—"

"And why were you sneaking out of class? Again?" Ryoma gave him one of those looks. "Really, Momo-senpai, you're never going to pass your classes."

"Shut up." Momo glared right back at Ryoma and took another bite of his burger. "I needed some more food. Stop interrupting; I'm trying to tell a story." He took a swig of cola. "I saw Fuji-senpai and Tezuka-buchou out in the hallway for the third time this week." Another look. "Buchou was borrowing _another_ one of Fuji-senpai's books."

"And that means he eats books," Ryoma deadpanned. "Yeah, don't think so."

"Why not?" retorted Momo. "You've seen Buchou, he's a neat-freak. Why would he need to borrow someone else's book?"

"Maybe because he lost it?" Ryoma suggested. "And maybe you need to see a doctor. Your mind's run off again." They threw away their trash and headed outside to the bike stand.

"Ha ha, very funny." The two climbed onto Momo's bike and set off for the Echizen household. Momo wouldn't let it go, so they argued back and forth the whole way there.

"Tezuka-buchou. Eats. Books!" Momo shouted.

Ryoma pulled open the door to his house. "Whatever, Momo-senpai." He slammed the door behind him.

"Like he knows anything," Momo mumbled to himself. "He's just a stupid freshman."

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"Hey, Kikumaru-senpai," Momo called as he caught up to Eiji. "How 'bout treating me to some burgers?"

"No, I already did that once this week!" Eiji complained. "I still don't have any money."

"But I've got to tell you something." Momo knew he had him. "Don't you want to know what it is?"

Eiji pouted and gave in. "One burger. That's all," Eiji said.

Momo grinned at him. "Fine by me." He looked at Eiji. "By the way, Kikumaru-senpai, did you know that Tezuka-buchou eats books?"

"What?!" Eiji exclaimed in surprise. "He does? I knew it!" He stopped on the sidewalk. "How else could he be so cruel by forcing us to run laps day after day? And with Inui's strange drink on top of that!"

"At least someone believes me," Momo muttered. "Echizen thought I was crazy."

"Ochibi said that?!" Eiji turned around and headed towards Ryoma's house. "Then we have to go make him believe!" Momo followed. This would be much more fun than getting a burger. Soon, the whole world would know that Tezuka was a book eater!

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Eiji and Momo both pulled to a stop outside Kawamura Sushi. Taka was outside sweeping the sidewalk.

"Taka-san, Taka-san, Taka-san!" Eiji jumped up and down. "You won't believe it, but Tezuka eats books!"

"What?" Taka said, pausing in his sweeping. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Eiji pulled Momo forward. "Momo here saw it with his own eyes!"

"It's true, Kawamura-senpai," Momo agreed. Apparently he doesn't seem to remember what he _actually_ saw. "Buchou eats books."

"I wondered what happened to that book I gave him for Christmas last year," Taka pondered. "I never saw it again. Even when we had that party at his house—"

"What party?" Momo questioned.

"Nothing, nothing," Eiji said, waving it off. "But you have to help us, Taka-san. Who knows how many more, unsuspecting books are just waiting to be eaten?"

Eiji dragged Taka and Momo away without waiting for a response. Taka shouted back to his dad that he was done for the day.

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The next place the three converged on was the river Kaidoh trained at. They ran down to the water's edge. Well, Eiji ran, still pulling the other two behind him.

"Kaidoh!" Eiji hollered, grabbing the attention of everyone in a five mile radius. "Kaidoh, we need your help to rescue the poor, innocent books before Tezuka eats them!"

Kaidoh looked bewildered, or as bewildered as Kaidoh could look while people were watching. The only thing that stopped him from ignoring the group was that he didn't want to be seen as impolite.

"What are you talking about?" he hissed.

Eiji launched into his story. Due to time constraints, the entirety of his speech will not by typed here. Let's just say he embellished it. A lot. Tezuka was now a six-armed alien from Pluto who could only smile while he ate books or else the world would explode. Thus, they had to save Tezuka from the evil books that he ate.

Taka was confused, Momo agreed whole-heartedly, and Kaidoh just sighed and decided to go with it. What was the worst thing that could happen? Little did he know that those words should never be uttered, for many worse things _would_ happen.

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"Where's Inui?" Eiji asked Kaidoh. He pointed to a conveniently placed park.

"Inui!" the group shouted, trying to find him. "INUI!" No use, the park was huge. Somehow, a tennis racket made its way into Taka's hand.

"BURNING!" he yelled. It was loud enough to shake the trees and knock the racket out of his hand. And loud enough to cause Inui to magically appear behind the four.

"Yes?" he asked, straightening his glasses. With his middle finger, because that's what people with glasses do. They straighten their glasses with their middle finger. Which annoys me because then I can't see the person's face. But I digress.

"Yes?" Inui asked again. Eiji took a deep breath and was about to start his story when Momo cut him off.

"Tezuka eats books and we need you to help us save him, because all that paper probably isn't good and the poor books need to be saved," he said as Eiji deflated. Kaidoh was mumbling to himself wondering why _he_ got the long version. Taka was wondering why he couldn't be on a _sane_ tennis team. Then he remembered that this was _tennis_ and no tennis players were ever sane.

"I believe I can help you there," Inui stated, whipping out his handy, dandy, green notebook! "But first, we must look for clues!"

Going completely out of character, the group of five merrily skipped off into the sunset to search for ways to help Tezuka and fix his eating habits. In fact, they were so out of character that Momo and Kaidoh had their arms linked together and weren't fighting! Maybe there is some good in Tezuka's book-eating habits!

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"Do you ever get the feeling," Oishi muttered ominously, "that something bad's about to happen?"

He looked at the other two occupants of the room. Fuji was just sitting there with his ever-present smile. A chill ran up Oishi's back. His gaze moved over to Tezuka who was just looking back at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Nevermind," Oishi said, going back to his work. He should have left with Eiji when he had the chance. It was far too silent and creepy

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**A/N:** Ok, the story kinda ran away from me. And I had fun with italics. I tried to do everybody's personalities justice, since I love them all, but I'm still not sure they're right.

And no, there will be no romance in this story. Please do not ask or request there to be.


	3. Chapter Three: Making Plans

**A/N:** Tra la la! And the strangeness continues!

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**Chapter Three - Making Plans**

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"So," Eiji started, hugging his pillow. "What are we going to do about Tezuka?" He looked around at the group of six. Ryoma was sitting in the corner of his room wondering just why everyone was having a sleepover at _his_ house.

"We watch him closely," Momo conspired. "Then, we catch him in the act! And we turn him away from his dark path!"

Ryoma sighed. He wasn't even going to say anything. Maybe he could just have fun watching the idiots. And warn Buchou of what was coming. On second thought, he smirked to himself; it would be hilarious to see Tezuka's reaction.

"Fssshh, that is the stupidest idea you have _ever_ come up with, idiot," Kaidoh hissed, riling Momo up. "Including that plan last year to get into the Regulars."

"Oh yeah," Momo replied, standing up. "Let's see you come up with a better idea, Mamushi. And you didn't think that idea was bad _then_." Kaidoh stood up, ready to fight.

"Please, don't fight," Taka said, trying to calm the two down. Ryoma brightened up. This would make things entertaining! He ran down to the kitchen to grab some popcorn so he could have food while he watched the show.

While Ryoma was gone, Inui managed to calm things down. Momo and Kaidoh were sent to opposite corners for time-out. Eiji just laughed at the two.

Things settled down and Ryoma returned laden with food and Ponta, finally becoming a good host. He was jumped by Eiji as soon as he walked in the door.

"Ok, if you guys are going to stay here," Ryoma explained, "Then I would suggest _not_ leaving this room unless you want to run into the strange old man downstairs." Nobody was listening, too absorbed in snacking. Well, except for Inui who was making…something out of dip and Ponta. Oh well, their problem.

Seeing as this was a sleepover and people normally don't sleep at sleepovers, (and no matter how old our characters may seem, they're still just becoming teenagers,) the group started a game of Truth or Dare. We would like to blame it on Momo and Eiji and their strange ability to make everyone go insane. Now, I could go into all the stupidity that occurred during this game, but I really don't feel like it. Instead, I'll show you the end result and let you come up with your own ideas.

Karupin, who had sneaked in half-way though the game, was cowering under the bed all puffed up like a scaredy-cat. Inui had passed out after being force-fed his own concoction. Eiji was wrapped around and hugging Ryoma who, even unconscious, tried to escape. Momo was asleep in the closet. Unfortunately for him, the doors were locked. Taka was lucky enough to fall asleep on the bed. And Kaidoh…Kaidoh was mysteriously missing. Let's go find him, shall we?

Kaidoh had made the mistake of leaving the room to use the bathroom. He was captured by Nanjiroh and interrogated, which is where we find him now.

"Would you like some cookies, Kaidoh-san?" Nanako asked. Being captured came with a few good things, namely Nanako's cooking. Kaidoh took a few cookies from the plate and mumbled thanks.

"What are you boys doing up there? Why are you here? Why does my son never invite any cute girls over?" Nanjiroh questioned. Nanako looked interested as well, in the first two questions anyway. Due to the fact that Kaidoh was thirteen and thus going through adolescence, he just couldn't say no to Nanako and all her feminine-ness. Plus, he didn't really have much experience with the opposite gender and was thusly nervous. He spilled telling them everything, including Tezuka and his book-eating habits. Nanjiroh laughed in glee and ran off to call Ryuzaki. Kaidoh made his escape and ran home.

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When Momo awoke, he ended up banging his head against a shelf, tripping over himself when trying to stand up, and realizing he was locked inside a closet. His day was not looking good. He began pounding on the closet doors, waking everybody up. Taka, seeing that nobody was going to let Momo out, was kind enough to open the door. Momo came tumbling out, falling to the floor in praise of Taka.

"Hey, where'd Mamushi go?" Momo asked after looking around. The rest of the group blinked. Kaidoh had disappeared.

Inui straightened his glasses, making them glint evilly in the process, and stated, "There is an 87 percent chance that he ran into Echizen-san, was interrogated, and ran home." Another group blink. Everyone shrugged and went about grabbing their stuff and heading home. Apparently everyone had forgotten their original reason for coming.

"Well, it's a good thing practice was cancelled today," Ryoma said. Then he realized he was only talking to Karupin. He picked the Himalayan cat up. "At least I have _one_ friend." Then Ryoma saw the mess that had been made of his room. His eye twitched. _Somebody_ was going to get it.

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Tennis practice the next day was a strange affair. There was much giggling and whispering between all the members and not one would meet Tezuka's eyes. Something was up. Tezuka ordered all the players to line up. The other Regulars (minus Oishi and Fuji who were missing today) looked very suspicious. 

"Fifty laps to _all_ of you if someone doesn't tell me what's going on," Tezuka threatened. The Regulars glanced at each other, trying to decide who would be sacrificed. "And I'll throw in one of Inui's drinks if I don't get an answer _now_."

By unanimous decision, Momo was pushed out front. After all, it _was_ his fault this whole mess started. "Well, um…You see, Buchou…Uh, Echizen here has something to tell you!" He grabbed Ryoma and pulled him into the line of fire instead.

Meanwhile, in all the Regulars' head, a funeral was being held for Ryoma. His tombstone was inscribed with, "Forced to run laps, Until he collapsed."

Back in the normal world, Tezuka was staring Ryoma down. "Well, Echizen?"

Ryoma sighed and decided what the heck, might as well tell it all. Wasn't like everybody didn't already know. "Momo-senpai saw you borrowing a book from Fuji-senpai. Being the idiot that he is," there was an indignant shout from Momo and a snort of agreement from Kaidoh, "He came to the conclusion that you ate books. Then he got everybody else involved. Oh, and before you explode, I didn't want to have anything to do with this." That being said, Ryoma did the smart thing and ran off to hide.

Everyone else gulped. Tezuka wasn't moving; he just kept staring straight ahead. They took this chance and joined in the game of Hide and Seek.

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A/N:** It was pointed out to me that I was being terribly prejudiced against the book-eating community. For that, I apologize. The only reason I discriminate against them is because I don't understand them. And I guess my parents never really cared about me much…All I ever wanted was to be loved! AND I NEVER GOT A PUPPY! 

Please review. Mistakes/confusion/general insanity/encouragement. New to writing multi-chaptered fics; please tell me if something doesn't make sense.


	4. Interlude One: The Beginning

**A/N:** Ok, I figured it would just be easier to clarify the first chapter here. So here is the first Interlude: Fuji and Tezuka's conversation without the FujiTezu-ness that's in my other story. 'Kay?

Do you know how hard it is to have three different ways one scene can be portrayed? I swear, my brain's going to explode! And no, I'm not kidding. And I will _kill_ one of you if I end up writing this scene a fourth time. I _will_.

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**Interlude One – The Beginning**

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Walking up to Fuji, Tezuka just couldn't help but get that feeling that something was terribly amiss. He shook it off. He just needed to borrow one of Fuji's books again, nothing big. But still…he had the strangest feeling. As if the next few days would be filled with head-aches and annoyances.

"Here you go," Fuji said cheerily, handing his history textbook over.

"Thanks," Tezuka replied, slowly taking the book. He was still nervous from that unsettling sensation earlier.

Fuji smiled. "Do you eat your books, Tezuka?" he asked.

Tezuka blinked. Did he just ask…No, it must've been his ears acting up. "What?" he questioned, wanting to know what Fuji said and dearly hoping it wasn't what he thought he heard.

"You heard me," Fuji replied, that misleading smile still on his face. Drat, it seemed Tezuka _had_ heard right. Why were geniuses always the insane ones?

Tezuka opened the book he had been given and flipped through a few pages before landing on one of Fuji's doodles. Really, why did Fuji feel the need to draw in his textbook? If one of the teachers saw, he'd end up getting a detention. And detention meant missing tennis practice and as everyone knows, tennis equals life. It just wasn't acceptable to miss a day.

Tezuka held up the page he flipped to. It held an image of the history teacher, Morikawa-san with a few choice words written over her picture.

"You know it's true, Tezuka. Besides, she's a boring teacher," Fuji chuckled.

Tezuka just heaved a sigh and closed the book before walking off to class. Fuji should be thankful that he erased the doodles and kept him out of detention. But of course, it was Fuji, he shouldn't expect anything.

Tezuka strained his ears as he turned to enter his classroom. He could just barely hear Fuji saying, "He never answered my question."

Not good. Knowing Fuji, he would make something up like "Tezuka eats books!" That unsettling feeling returned. He'd have to keep and eye open for another one of Fuji's plans for the next few days.

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**A/N:** There, Tezuka and Fuji's conversation from the first chapter. I am sick of this scene, and I repeat, if I have to write this a fourth time, I _will _kill somebody.

Probably not as good, but I really don't care. Now I won't get any more reviews saying, "Oh, it did make so much more sense!"


	5. Chapter Four: Running Away

**A/N:** Fun trying to save this chapter as it hates the word "run."

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**Chapter Four - Running Away**

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Now we join our heroes on another adventure. In the last episode, our intrepid heroes (aka the Seigaku Regulars) were escaping the clutches of their once ally, the evil Dr. Tezuka. Well, not escaping per se, more like fleeing while he was frozen. But that matters not.

Tezuka _prayed_ that he hadn't heard what he did. That it was all a figment of his (mostly non-existent) imagination. Echizen _did not_ just say that he ate books. Momoshiro was not responsible for all the whispers he had been hearing. And the chibi Fuji in his head was most certainly _not_ smirking at him for saying the exact same thing during the incident that had apparently caused this whole mess.

Why couldn't that troubling feeling just have warned him this was going to happen? Snapping out of his stupor with a sigh, Tezuka noticed that the rest of the team had vanished. Looked like practice was over. Now what to do? He sighed again before going off to talk to Coach Ryuzaki. Maybe she could help.

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Since Eiji is ever so lovable, we've decided to follow him as he runs away. You see, Eiji noticed that Fuji, his bestest friend ever, and Oishi, his second-bestest friend ever and doubles partner, were both missing-in-action. So, taking the chance offered, Eiji set off for Oishi's house. (It was closer to the school than Fuji's.)

Once there, Eiji rang the doorbell. He fidgeted as he waited, hoping someone was home. The door opened to show Oishi's mother. "Megumi-san!" he exclaimed before jumping in to hug her. Even after all the time he spent at Oishi's house, he never saw his mother very much.

"Hello, Eiji," she replied, returning the hug. Eiji was always fun, even if he did make her son worry a little too much. "Come in, come in. Poor Syuichiroh's sick, that's why he couldn't make it to practice today; he should be up in his room. Go on, sweetie, and you're welcome to stay for dinner."

"Thanks!" Eiji shouted back as he ran for the kitchen. He grabbed some food (Oishi always had the best food) before heading upstairs. He pushed open his bedroom door to find him asleep. He frowned. If there was one person who could keep Tezuka from making them run hundreds of laps, it was Oishi. But with Oishi out of commission…

Well, the mystery of Oishi was solved, now off to find Fuji. More food stealing later, Eiji found himself in front of Fuji's house. Another doorbell ring. "What?" Yuuta asked grumpily as he pulled the door open. He blinked when he saw who was at the door, another one of Syusuke's strange friends. "Aniki's not here. Go away." The door was shut in Eiji's face.

"Well that wasn't very nice!" Eiji pouted. Meanie Yuuta! Eiji flounced away. But wait, if Fuji wasn't home and he wasn't at practice, then where was he?

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Tezuka massaged his head. The source of his current annoyance was in front of him giggling. What did he ever do to deserve this head-ache? The irritating voice in his head told him it was because he was the captain of an insane tennis team. Or at least half-insane, a few of the members weren't _too_ bad.

Fuji continued to snigger at the situation. He had missed what could've possibly been the most amusing thing ever by staying after to help clean up the classroom. Of course, he could not deny that it was hilarious to see the after-math. He could swear that Tezuka was about to rip his hair out screaming. But that would've been unbecoming of their captain, so it probably wasn't going to be happening anytime soon. Unless…

Fuji leaned forward. "So, tell me again Tezuka, what exactly happened?" Tezuka glared. "Come on, it wasn't _that_ bad." A grunt. Well, at least he was getting a sound out of him. "Really, it was just a coincidence. And I'm telling the truth this time."

"_This_ time he says," Tezuka mumbled to himself even though Fuji could hear him perfectly well. "_This_ time. So what about all those other times? And why today of all days? 'I eat books,' really."

Fuji tilted his head. Today? What was so special about today? He flipped through his mental calendar (only $7.99 if you order now!) Today there was nothing, but tomorrow…A sly smile worked its way onto his face. Tomorrow was a certain someone's _birthday_.

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In, and out. In, and out. Deep breath in, dodge to the bush across the way, deep breath out. Momo looked around, nobody. He jumped to another bush.

Momo had planned on leaving right away with everyone else, but he had left his wallet in the clubhouse. Sure, he could've gotten it the next day, but what would he do for money the rest of today then? That meant no food, no randomly buying things at the shops on the way home, and, most importantly, NO FOOD! So, he was taking the chance by trying to sneak back into the clubhouse without being spotted by Tezuka and forced to run laps for the rest of his life.

Almost there, Momo jumped out of the bushes and raced for the door. Kaidoh jumped out of the bushes on the other side of the clubhouse and dashed for the door at the same time. The two stopped a few feet away from each other, engaging in a glaring contest. (It's like a staring contest, except you glare instead of stare.) They looked away at the same time, agreeing through their sudden mental link that it was really weird that they had a sudden mental link and there were more important things such as getting into the clubhouse.

Kaidoh reached forward to open the door. He jiggled the knob. A hint of confusion showed on his face. It was…locked. But, his things were in there! And the dog food for the stray puppy in the park! The poor puppy was going to starve!

"Move out o' the way," Momo said, pushing Kaidoh aside. He tried to force the doorknob open. No good. Momo sighed; it wasn't like he could get into any more trouble, right? He backed up a bit.

"What're you—" Kaidoh was cut off by Momo kicking the door down, splintering most of it. Kaidoh gaped at him. If they weren't dead before, they most certainly were now.

"If you want your stuff," Momo called from inside where he was snatching his things, "I suggest you grab it now and run." Following his own advice, Momo escaped out the door and darted for freedom, not insulting Kaidoh once during the exchange.

"Idiot," Kaidoh hissed under his breath. Sure, kicking the door down _was_ effective at opening the clubhouse, but now it was open to everyone. And that meant the _fangirls_. Kaidoh shivered, horrible thoughts. Plus, they could steal their tennis equipment and you can't play tennis without rackets. And as everyone knows, "Tennis Equals Life!" Shrugging it off as their problem, Kaidoh grabbed his stuff. He then made like a banana and spilt. Or tried to anyway.

"Oh dear," Fuji said, Tezuka standing behind him in the doorway. "It seems like someone broke down the door. Kaidoh, did you happen to see who did it?"

Kaidoh gulped. He did _not_ like the looks on their faces. Fuji-senpai had that unnerving smile on his face and Tezuka-buchou looked like somebody was about to run a thousand laps. _Why me?_

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**A/N:** We finally figure out what happened to Oishi and Fuji. Oishi's given name is too hard to spell. And his mother with the made up name shows up. Love Yuuta, first non-Seigaku player in my story. It's like two lines, but who cares! And I love Kaidoh and his love of small, fuzzy things. And torturing him, first Nanjiroh, now Fuji and Tezuka.


	6. Chapter Five: Taking Missions

**A/N:** Thanks to **ketchupblood** for my luverly inspiration. Amused-ness.

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**Chapter Five - Taking Missions**

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"Alright everybody," Momo addressed the group which now included Fuji. Once more, they were meeting at Ryoma's home. Ryoma was currently gagged and bound to a chair. "It seems Mamushi has gone and gotten himself captured again."

Eiji jumped up. "We must save him! He's our comrade!" They nodded in agreement. 'Don't leave comrades behind' was their motto. They were conveniently ignoring the fact that Fuji was partially responsible for the capture of Kaidoh. And that they had tied up own of their own just a few minutes ago; but hey, these guys don't like to follow logic unless it suits them. Getting back to the story.

"Tezuka is holding him captive in Sumire-chan's office," Fuji reported. "She's helping Tezuka so we need to watch out for her too." Ryuzaki might be a problem. They couldn't go around knocking out old grandmothers, now could they?

"Um…What about finding proof that Tezuka really _does_ eat books?" Taka interjected. "We need that too." He brought up a good point. They need proof, _real_ proof so they could show it to the world.

"We should spilt up," said Inui. "Half go to rescue Kaidoh, the others follow Tezuka."

"But…We only have five people," Momo noticed. Ryoma's struggling in the background was ignored. "Eiji-senpai, would Oishi-senpai help us?"

"Hmm…I don't know," Eiji murmured. "He might join the Dark Side. He _is_ Tezuka's best friend."

"And as his best friend, Oishi will want to help Tezuka," Fuji smiled. "But if not, he can be part of the Kaidoh rescue team."

"So, Oishi, Kikumaru, and Kawamura will go rescue Kaidoh. I shall join Fuji and Momoshiro in trailing Tezuka," Inui decided. "We all have our missions. Move out and meet back up here tomorrow. The fate of the world rests in your hands."

The ending of Inui's speech getting the five way too gung-ho, they became ninjas and disappeared. Eiji and Taka went to grab Oishi while Fuji, Momo, and Inui went on stake out.

And what of our poor freshman, you may ask? Well, Ryoma was left behind, still tied up in his room. He buried the anger he felt and let it fester. One day…One day they would all bow down before the great Echizen Ryoma! But until then, Ryoma immersed himself in his delusions as he waited for someone to remember and come back to untie him.

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"Do you ever get the feeling that we're forgetting something?" Eiji asked Taka worriedly as something nagged at the back of his mind. The duo were currently sneaking out of the Oishi household with the third member of their rescue team thrown over Taka's shoulder, still fast asleep.

"Don't worry," Taka replied, shifting Oishi. "You'll remember eventually. Now, where should I set him down?"

"Ooh! Let's go the park!" Eiji said, excited. "We can swing on the swings!" And like ninjas again, they disappeared and reappeared in the nearby park. Eiji took off running for the swings but was pulled back by Taka. Oishi had been laid down on a bench where he still slept.

"Hey, Eiji. We still need to rescue Kaidoh. Shouldn't we rescue him from the clutches of the evil Tezuka?" Taka knew how Eiji's brain worked. And the promise of an adventure/rescue mission would knock him back on track. Predictably enough, he was now shaking Oishi awake and trying to pull him to Seigaku at the same time.

"Oishi! Oishi, wake up!" Eiji shouted into his ear.

The result was instantaneous. Oishi shot up, almost hitting Eiji in the process. He coughed a bit (in case you didn't remember that he was still sick) before remembering what woke him. "Eiji! What's wrong?" he asked. Eiji had sounded a bit panicked. But maybe it was just him being hyper again as Oishi took in the sight of the acrobat bouncing around.

"We need you to help us." Taka explained what had happened while he was out for the day.

"So Tezuka eats books and Kaidoh's been captured and we need to go rescue him?" Taka and Eiji nodded. Oishi sighed and mulled over the situation. One day. This is what happens when he's gone for _one day_. The team falls apart and everybody goes utterly insane.

Another sigh. He needed to talk to Tezuka and the quickest way would be to go along with the plan. "Ok, let's go get Kaidoh."

"Yay! Oishi's coming!" Eiji cheered. He and Taka then did their ninja disappearing thing, leaving Oishi to sweat-drop. Because that's what anime people do, you know. They sweat-drop. A blink later, and the pair were back, grinning sheepishly.

"Sorry…We forgot you didn't have ninja powers," Taka said.

Oishi blinked at them. They really had gone insane! "You don't have ninja powers!" he yelled. And with a bright flash of rainbow-colored light and prancing ponies, the voice of logic took hold and their ninja powers disappeared.

"Hey! What'd you do that for?" Eiji whined as the trio walked to the bus stop.

They got on the bus and Oishi said, "Because it doesn't work! You aren't ninjas, you're tennis players. Now, what's the plan to rescue Kaidoh?"

"We were just going to teleport in there, grab him and teleport out," Taka told him. "Other than that, we didn't really have time to plan." It almost sounded accusing but everyone knows Taka's a nice guy and would never say anything mean.

"Ok…Then I guess I have to think something up." Oishi thought for a bit. "I'll distract Tezuka," _so I can talk to him_, "Eiji can distract Sensei, and you can grab Kaidoh and take him back to HQ."

The two nodded, it sounded like a good plan. Now to put it in action.

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Meanwhile, Momo, Fuji, and Inui were already at the school. Momo was currently trying to figure out how he got stuck with the two sadists of the team. Every once in a while, they would chuckle evilly at the same time and glance back at him. He shuddered; he just knew they were planning something.

Tezuka had yet to be spotted. The three were slowly making their way down towards Ryuzaki's office, using their ninja powers to dodge behind conveniently placed plants. Why? Because that's what always happens in the movies, that's why.

"Inui-senpai, what if Buchou isn't in Sensei's office?" Momo asked anxiously. His sixth-sense that only liked to pop up when it felt like it was telling him, "Danger! Danger! Danger, Will Robi—Momoshiro Takeshi!" Not a good sign. It also told him that he watched way too many movies.

"There's a 49 percent chance he is not there," said Inui. "There is a 48 percent chance of him being in the clubhouse and a 1 percent chance of him being at the roller-rink."

"Roller-rink?" Momo repeated. "You're joking, right?" He looked at Fuji. "There's no way he'd go skating. Have you seen who we're talking about?"

Fuji grinned. "The roller-rink. Apparently Tezuka liked it after I took him skating one day."

Momo looked away and once again questioned why he was stuck with the two top competitors for "Most Insane Seigaku Regular."

"Why is Sensei's office not getting any closer?" Inui suddenly asked. They stopped moving. It wasn't getting any closer! It still looked the same distance away as it had when they first arrived.

"Maybe," Fuji squinted down the hallway. "Maybe it's a trap." And with those fateful words, the group fell through the hole the appeared in the floor. They landed on the hard ground with loud 'Oof!'s.

It was pitch black. The hole above had closed back up. The three slowly stood up and walked around blindly with their arms outstretched, trying to find an escape. Suddenly, lights flickered on above causing them to flinch. Out of the shadows stepped an ominous figure: Tezuka. The three who had set out to stalk him gulped nervously. They hoped the rescue team showed up soon to help them!

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Back at the Echizen house, Ryoma was slumbering. He was dreaming dreams of causing bodily harm to his fellow teammates. Another person crept up behind him and dragged him away. Ryoma snored away, oblivious to the going-ons of the outside world.

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**A/N:**Yay for new chapter! I think I've gotten back into the rhythm! (Kamio equals love.) And my chapters are slowly getting longer too! Yay for exclamation points! And yay for random things that appear out of nowhere and I don't think this can even be semi-realistic anymore! (Considering I was thinking about having Tezuka swoop down from the ceiling like a vampire in the last scene, but I settled for shadows.)


	7. Chapter Six: Escaping Evil

**A/N:** This day is never going to end, just so you know. Distracted by other stories. Crack-y humor seems to be off this chapter. But other random things occur anyways.  
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**Chapter Six - Escaping Evil**

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"It's quiet," Eiji whispered. "Too quiet." 

Oishi whapped him upside the head. "No cliché movie lines." Eiji pouted. That's what made things fun! Oishi, Eiji, and Taka were currently sneaking up on Ryuzaki's office. Since they didn't have ninja powers anymore (thanks to Oishi's voice of reason) they made it to her office just fine, skipping over the ninja-triggered trapdoor.

They slowly got closer to the door. Lining up on both sides, Taka peeked into the little window in the door. "Hostage spotted," he said. Oishi and Eiji nodded before leaving to distract their targets. Taka slowly eased the door open. Kaidoh didn't move. He was fast asleep, his head leaning to the side. Taka crept up silently and un-tied him before waking Kaidoh up.

"Mmph!" Kaidoh tried to yell. His mouth had been duck taped shut; yellow ducks were marching across the front of the tape. Taka made a shushing motion before signaling for Kaidoh to follow him out. He nodded and tried to take the duck tape off his mouth without hurting himself, but let out a yelp anyways.

Alarms began to go off. "Intruder alert! Intruder alert!"

"Time for Plan B!" Taka shouted back at Kaidoh as they took off running down the school corridor. A tennis racket had magically made its way into Taka's hand. It had appeared from the nether-dimensions where all things crucial to advancing plot were stored.

"What's Plan B?" Kaidoh asked as they flew past doors and classrooms.

"This!" Taka said, hoisting Kaidoh over his shoulder and jumping out of the third-story window. "Burning!" They landed, unharmed, in a vat of pudding.

"What the…" Kaidoh just shook his head. He needed to get out of tennis. Maybe take up golf; were golf players insane?

The day finally ended for those two as they happily ate their way out of the pudding. (After all, who doesn't like pudding?) The rest of the team was not so lucky.

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Ryoma slowly blinked awake. He looked around, nothing but one door on the opposite side of the room, the chair he was still tied to (thankfully the gag was gone, he would always remember to wash his socks after this), and the lone light bulb hanging from the ceiling. That was buzzing. And very annoying.

"Shut up, lightbulb," Ryoma growled before trying to get loose from the rope binding him.

"You shouldn't talk to inanimate objects," somebody said. The door had opened while he was squirming and was now being closed. A man with a ski-mask on walked over to Ryoma. "They can't hear you. And they can't talk."

Ryoma took the chance of his capturer's monotonous rambling to try to scoot closer and see if he had anything sharp on him. And so he could kick him in the shin and get him to stop talking.

"That wasn't very nice. That hurt you know. You could've left a bruise. Then it would hurt even more. You really shouldn't kick people. Nobody will ever like you if you always hurt them—"

"Wait a minute," Ryoma said, cutting off the mumbling. "You're that guy from Fudomine. The one I beat."

Shinji took off the ski-mask since he had been uncovered. "You can't remember me, only that you beat me. How mean. No wonder nobody likes you. You're always so arrogant and—"

"Shinji, hush!" Kamio said as he entered the room. "Quit talking to the prisoner."

"He started it," Shinji blamed, but he stepped back and quieted down anyways.

"Ok, Tachibana-san said to keep you here for a while 'cause your team's going insane," Kamio explained. "And since you're the youngest, you're the first one to get therapy."

"What?" Therapy? Ok, so his teammates were insane, but that didn't mean he was! "I'm not insane!"

"Don't worry," Shinji said. "We'll help fix you right up. Tachibana-san helped us. Just look at Ishida. And don't worry, it'll only take a few weeks."

Ryoma seems to have just as bad of luck as Kaidoh, doesn't he? Ah well, let's leave him with the Fudomine players. Hopefully they'll have a positive effect on him.

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Eiji rushed around the school, trying to find Ryuzaki. Only problem was, she wasn't anywhere. When the sirens started to go off, he knew he had to hurry. Miraculously, he finally ran into her as she was headed to see the commotion.

"Ah, Ryuzaki-sensei!" Eiji shouted. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"That's nice, Kikumaru," Ryuzaki replied. "But I've got to get to my office."

"But, sensei, I need your help," Eiji whined, getting in her way.

Ryuzaki glared. She saw through the ruse, he was trying to keep her away. She smiled. "Ok, Eiji. Why don't we get out of the hallway?" Ryuzaki opened one of the classroom doors and ushered Eiji inside. Eiji skipped in, happy that his plan was working. Then the door was slammed behind him and locked.

"There's no way I'm letting you ruin the fun I'm getting from this!" Ryuzaki yelled at him before heading up to her office to see what happened with the escape attempt.

Eiji banged against the door. "Sensei, you can't leave me locked in here!" He frowned. Sensei was only doing this for the fun factor. He needed to get out and make sure Oishi and the rest were okay. With that, he started to digging through the floor to China…Ok, he didn't do that because he had left his spoon at home. Instead he jumped out the window into another conveniently placed vat of pudding. "Blech, sugar-free."

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The last member of the rescue team just could not find Tezuka. Oishi had searched the place from top to bottom. Tezuka wasn't in the school. That left only one place. Oishi shook his head. No, the shelter was only for emergency purposes. But…

He headed out to the clubhouse and went back into the shower area. One of the showers never worked. If you pulled down on the shower head while turning the knob three times clock-wise, the whole thing would open up and a set of stairs appeared leading downwards. It was a specially-prepared shelter for the tennis club members in case of school rioting so they wouldn't get injured and be unable to play tennis. Only three people knew about it: the captain, vice-captain, and coach.

Oishi followed the steps downward, listening for any noises or voices. So far, there was nothing. At the bottom of the steps, torches lined the walls and hallways stretched out in front of him. The tunnels went underneath the entire school. Oishi didn't know that as he had only been down here once. He was going to be searching for a long, long while.

So, he began his search. The first couple of rooms, all tennis courts. The next couple of rooms were all equipment. Extra jerseys and jackets, tennis balls, rackets, nets, everything tennis-related. The next few were filled to the brim with food. _There sure was a lot of stuff down here_, Oishi thought. Just where did it all come from? As far as he knew, the place had only been used once.

He checked room after room. Most were normal. He did, however, run across a few…Questionable rooms. One looked like a medieval torture room. (He was too frightened to look closer.) Another housed things to horrible to write of. He ran as quickly as possible from that room.

After another bunch of rooms, he could finally hear whimpering. Oishi snuck up on the room and pressed his ear to the door, listening to see if any hostiles were in there. No, nothing but the whimpering. He opened the door carefully. A dark, empty room. No, wait; there was a figure in the corner.

"No, please don't hurt me!" it sobbed when it heard the door bang against the wall. Oishi walked over to it.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I'm just looking for someone," he said, bending down to see who it was.

"Oishi-senpai?" it asked before throwing itself against Oishi. "Fukubuchou, it is you! You've come to save me!"

"Momo?" Oishi questioned, bewildered as to why Momo was here. "Why are you here? Where's Fuji and Inui?"

Momo sniffed, not letting go of Oishi for fear he would be alone again. "We fell into a trap. And they went with Tezuka! It was horrible…You should've seen them! And…And…" Momo shuddered and buried his face into Oishi's shoulder. "I'm sorry for telling other people things about Buchou. I won't ever do it again!"

Oishi merely patted Momo on the back. This was not good. Momo had broken down completely and Fuji and Inui had apparently run off with Tezuka. Not good at all. Maybe it was time to call in the backup squad…

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**A/N:** Momo's OOC. Who cares, he's been traumatized by an angry Tezuka, Fuji, and Inui. The underground shelter is giving me way too many ideas. And it just randomly popped into my head.


	8. Interlude Two: The Rollerrink

**A/N:** Time for another Interlude, here you go! Not as funny, but I love skating. And writing random little stories.

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**Interlude Two – The Roller-rink  
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"Come on, Tezzie. It'll be fun!" Fuji smiled, trying to drag Tezuka down the street.

Tezuka leveled a glare at Fuji. Tezzie? Fuji was just asking for a thousand laps at the next practice. "I don't want to go wherever we're going, Fuji. Let me go home, and don't call me Tezzie."

"Can't do that, Tezuka. You'll thank me later." Fuji continued to try and drag Tezuka down the street, but to no avail. He was just too small. "Eiji! Come help me drag him!"

"Aye aye, Fuji!" Eiji came running back down the street from where he was walking with Inui. "Buchou getting too big for you?" Eiji got behind Tezuka and started to push him down the street as Fuji pulled.

What was this, Pick on Tezuka Day?

"No, but that's a good idea," Fuji said. "Or how about 'Lock Tezuka in a Room with His Fangirls Tuesday'?"

Ok, that cinched it. Fuji was a scary mind-reader person.

"Not Tuesday," interjected Inui as the two-man towing crew caught up with him. "Thursday would be better. Half his fans are watching the basketball team on Tuesday."

Note to self: Avoid these three on Thursdays. Tezuka resigned himself to wherever they were going, be it torture room or Kiddy Fun Land. He shook the two dragging him off. "Alright, where are we going and how long do I have to stay?"

Three evil smirks followed his question. He should've known not to ask.

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"No, no, and no," Tezuka adamantly refused. "I will not put those things on." It turned out the roller-rink was their destination.

"But Tezuka, you have to," Fuji explained, skating a circle on the rink in front of Tezuka. "It's for the good of the team."

"And exactly how does this relate to tennis?"

Inui looked up from where he was tying his laces. "It just does, trust me." When Inui said to trust him, you normally did. But there's always an exception.

"Please put the skates on, Buchou," Eiji pleaded, tossing the pair of skates into Tezuka's hands. "We just want what's best for you!"

There was a bit of a scuffle and when Tezuka finally got clear, the skates were firmly tied on his feet. He tried to walk forward, but slipped and landed hard on the bench behind him.

Giggles erupted from the peanut gallery. Tezuka vowed not to stand up again until he got his shoes back on his feet. Wait a minute…"Where are my shoes?"

"Oh, you mean these ones?" Fuji asked, holding up Tezuka's shoes. "In a minute, they'll be on the other side of the rink." He took off across the floor, swinging the shoes, and plopped them down on the opposite side. The only way to them would be across the floor.

Tezuka's eyes narrowed even more. Fuji was dead. Eiji took off after his best friend, still giggling.

"If you want to leave, you need to get your shoes. The roller-rink closes in thirty minutes. Have fun." Inui skated away as well, leaving Tezuka to contemplate how to get his shoes back.

"Five bucks says he gets them within fifteen minutes," Eiji said as Inui joined him and Fuji.

"You're on," Fuji and Inui answered him. The trio skated off, keeping one eye on Tezuka as they enjoyed themselves.

Meanwhile, a storm brewed above Tezuka's head. There was no way he was going to stand up only to fall and make a fool of himself again. But…He really wanted to get out of here…Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Tezuka tried to stand up again, and found himself not falling. He took one tentative step forward and his feet started to slide all over the place. He flailed for a bit before his arms came into contact with the wall. He steadied himself before trying to skate along again.

All long the wall Tezuka skated, almost barreling over a few little kids doing the same thing he was. Closer and closer to where his shoes were sitting. Then Fuji popped up in front sending him falling.

"Now now, Tezuka. That's cheating," he admonished. Fuji grabbed the shoes and skated back away to the middle of the floor.

"Hey, Fuji!" Eiji complained. "That's cheating! He almost had them; you owe me five dollars!" Fuji didn't argue and handed over a five as did Inui.

"Let's see how long it takes him to get them now. Only fifteen minutes until closing time." Inui glanced at his companions. "Should we give them back if he doesn't make it?"

"Nah," the other two replied together.

Still hugging the wall, Tezuka was thinking of all sorts of ways to kill Fuji when he had the chance. There was no way he could make it across the open floor. But he had to try, for the sake of the shoes!

Tezuka gently pushed himself away from the wall. He rolled along, and then stopped. Well that didn't work. He picked one foot up and leaned forward as he put it down, successfully learning to skate.

Finally arriving in front of the group, Tezuka sent a glare that promised dire consequences if something like this ever happened again. He took his shoes and skated off.

"Guess he made it."

"Looks like he's having fun now!"

"Where do you think we should take him next?"

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**A/N:** Fuji and Inui is bad. Adding Eiji to the mix makes everything worse. Don't you see the evil that lies behind the innocence? It's an even better act than Fuji's!


	9. Chapter Seven: Plotting Things

**A/N:** Many, many, many thanks to **Tora Macaw** and **liverlyroses** for back-up squad suggestions and to **xPhoenix.Returnx** and **shiki1696** for help with Oishi's codename. Sorry I could only choose one, you guys just exploded my brain with ideas! And of course, much love to everybody else who reviews/favs/alerts me. Anyone got an idea for a better summary?

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**Chapter Seven – Plotting Things**

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A dark room, a shady figure. The _Mission: Impossible_ theme began to play. He pulled his cell phone out and answered it. "What d'you need?"

"This is _Keeper_," said a crackly voice. "Seigaku needs some serious help. Everything's gone out of control."

"Gotcha. We'll be over as soon as we can. Any special equipment?"

"Not unless you have a few spare tranquilizers lying around."

"Sorry, no can do. _Boxy _took all the ones I had to knock out his teammates. Be there in thirty minutes, tops. _Lucky_ out." The cell phone snapped shut and let out a sigh of contentment. "Finally, some action. Time to call the team in."

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"So, what's your plan of revenge, Tezuka?" Fuji asked as he skipped along the underground passageway. "We'll help in any way." Inui nodded. "But first things first. Do you really eat books?"

Tezuka glanced over at the smiling genius. He waved a hand and Fuji disappeared, banished to some other place which shall not be named so I can decide it later as an important plot point. Tezuka then looked over at Inui. He took the hint and kept his mouth shut.

"What are the locations of the rest of the team?" Tezuka asked as they kept on walking.

"Eiji, Kaidoh, and Taka are all at home, Oishi is with Momo, and Echizen is M-I-A." Inui glanced at his watch. What on earth were their families thinking?

In the homes of all the tennis players, parents are thinking, 'Why does tennis go on so late?' Not too bright.

"Find out where Echizen is and meet me in the Control Room." Tezuka swept off towards said Control Room to put his Master Plan into action. Inui was left wondering just how to get out of the maze of hallways and rooms.

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"I can and will hurt you if you do not let me go this instant," Fuji said simply to the nameless figure currently hugging him. They were on Seigaku's tennis courts, Fuji having successfully escaped from the important plot point place that shall later be named.

The person let go. "But…But Fuji-senpai! I thought we were teammates and teammates are supposed to be best friends!"

"Echizen?"

"Hi, Fuji-senpai!" Ryoma chirped with a smile. A very creepy, not-smirking smile. "Oh, that's right! I've got to take you someplace, come on!" Ryoma started to drag Fuji away.

"What? No, Echizen! What's wrong with you?" Fuji asked, yanking his wrist out of Ryoma's grip. "Why…Why are you all cheerful?"

"Tachibana-san's team helped me! They all work together so well! Why doesn't our team all cooperate? Then we'd be even better at tennis!" Ryoma tried to drag Fuji again. "Come on, I'll show you!"

Fuji pulled himself away again. This was so…un-Echizen-like. He couldn't let himself get brain-washed as well. Then he might become…like this monster. For good measure, Fuji knocked Ryoma out (he knows kung-fu, of course) and tried to find a way back into that underground labyrinth. Instead of finding a way in, he found something more interesting: intruders.

He smiled evilly. Finally a chance to test the traps.

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"Come on, Momo. Only a little bit further," Oishi told the lump he was dragging.

"I…I can't do it," Momo cried. "Go…Go on with out me! Tell…I…" Momo fainted, leaving Oishi to lug him out of the place.

"When this is over…" Oishi huffed, "We're all…Going to sit down…And make sure…This never happens again." He finally dragged Momo out into the locker room and just left him there on a bench. "Where are they? I thought he said they'd be here in thirty minutes."

Oishi took a peek around outside. On the ground, four people were hog-tied and Fuji was standing over them laughing maniacally. Oishi sighed. Figures. He opened the clubhouse door (that magically got repaired between the time Momo broke it down a couple of chapter ago and now) some more and stepped outside as Fuji stopped his laughter and just smiled innocently.

"Why hello, Oishi. Fancy seeing you here." Nonchalant as always, Fuji said it as if it wasn't the middle of the night and he hadn't just terrorized the poor sap back in the clubhouse and he wasn't just seen cruelly taunting the four captured people. Yeah…Oishi wasn't buying it either.

Oishi just slowly massaged his head. Really, what was wrong with people these days? Last year's Regular team didn't have this many problems. Was it Echizen's fault for coming in and messing up the hierarchy? He shook it all to the back of his mind and focused on Fuji's still, creepily, smiling face.

"I don't want to know what happened. Just let these four go and please, go home." Hopefully Fuji would go home and at least some of the chaoticness would die down. Of course, it didn't bode well if the back-up squad had already been captured…

Frowning slightly, Fuji let the four go. "You know, I could stay around and help."

"**No!**" was the instant cry of five voices. The back-up squad just whistled innocently. They'd all heard the rumors.

Oishi gently explained that no Fuji-assistance was necessary. "But of course," Oishi continued as Fuji's frown grew deeper, "We _could_ always use an extra hand."

The grin returned. "Then let's see who's decided to sneak onto our courts!" Fuji pushed the back-up squad under a light revealing the four figures to be…DUN DUN DUN!!!!

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After years and years, or maybe it was just some amount of minutes that seemed like years and years, Inui finally found his way out of the deathtrap and right into Ryuzaki's office. Now this confused him greatly considering he came out of a filing cabinet that, last time he checked, was a filing cabinet and not a secret door.

Marking it down in his notebook for later inspection, Inui glanced out the window and happened to watch the previous scenes unfold. Mystery of Echizen solved, (though he was acting strangely,) he headed back into the underground shelter. Only problem, the filing cabinet had turned back into a filing cabinet.

Inside Inui's head, little chibi Inui's were frantically running around trying to figure out what on earth was happening. A few, sadly, overloaded and exploded.

Back in the real world, Inui continued to violently twitch.

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Safely at home, Kaidoh tossed and turned in his bed, trying to fall asleep. Something just wasn't right. No, there was nothing more he had to do. He had been gone through enough over the past few days, everyone else could handle it. But still… 

Tons of these kinds of bouncy thoughts plagued Kaidoh so he didn't notice the chloroformed rag being smushed into his face. He just seems to be having the worst of luck.

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DUN DUN DUN!!!!

Since this author does not wish to stretch this on any longer, the back-up squad will be now be revealed. Four brave members of Yamabuki's tennis. First up, Sengoku Kiyosumi, the leader of this bunch! He's brave, handsome, charismatic, and ever so popular with the ladies. And his sidekicks. But who cares about them.

"Hey!" shouted two of the "sidekicks" at Sengoku who had stolen the narration microphone. "We have names you know!"

"Fine, fine." Sengoku made a show of being all dramatic again. "Presenting munchkin Dan Taichi and the Jimmies!" There was much face-planting especially since they almost sounded like a band.

"He's never going to respect us," cried Jimmie number one, "And I'm the captain. Shouldn't that count for something?" Jimmie number two agreed with a sigh. Dan was the only one still acting semi-professionally. Of course, he had yet to get rid of that bandana and we all know what happens with that.

Oishi just decided to take what had been given to him. "I'm not even going to try to explain what's been happening here. We need to get to Tezuka and take him down while rounding up any loose players." Sengoku nodded. Seemed simple enough compared to the fiasco at Hyotei a couple days ago.

"Wait…Tezuka-san's the one on a rampage?" Dan asked, joining in since he never really said anything. A solemn nod. "Then we have to go now! After a certain amount of time, captains fall under the jurisdiction of…_them_."

"Right!" shouted Sengoku as he jumped out. "Move out!"

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Down in the deep, dark pit, Tezuka was perfecting his Master Plan. Just a few more days, then everything would be ready to set in motion. The countdown on the giant monitor of the Control Room slowly ticked down. "78:22:13"

Will Tezuka be stopped? And what's this mention of a Master Plan? Why is Kaidoh still being picked on? Is Yamabuki even capable of helping? Why is Oishi left as the only sane one? Will this day ever end? You won't find out the answers to any of these questions in the next chapter of…

**Eating Books**!

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**A/N:** The count down numbers mean nothing other than hours:minutes:seconds. I want to know of any and all confusion and mistakes. I really won't mind if you point them out.

Oh, and who's _them_? You do know this whole thing is being made up as I go along, right? That's what makes it so crazy! Still trying to end this forever day by next chapter.


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